One day I woke up and realized I have lost interest in the things I used to love before. And that’s just it.
I thought of myself as a useless person who cannot, for the life of her, even be good in the so-called skills she has. I despised myself for not living up to my own expectations.
Even now, writing this took a lot of effort. I simply don’t have the urge to string together words to complete a sentence in my head, much more so to write it down. It’s like wringing a wrung out sponge, useless and pointless.
But no, I have to get my point across and tell you that finally, I can say it is okay.
It is okay if the things that hold your interest before seem to be dull today. It is okay to not be able to write a single line to a poem you’ve always wanted to started, but never got the inspiration to do so. It is okay if instead of clubbing you bail out and stay home and do nothing. It is okay to say ‘no’ inspite of you being a ‘yes’ person. It is okay to not wear a smile when you don’t feel like it.
I’m saying it is not a crime to start feeling and un-feeling things.
Although it can be unsettling, we have to accept that we are not formulas. We are complicated . We are made up of ever-changing patterns of behaviors and emotions and choices. We are unpredictable and beautifully fragile. We can be alive today and turn up dead the next day. We are but a flicker, burning ever so brightly but easily blown away.
Don’t get me wrong, this frailty makes life even more beautiful.
So instead of beating yourself up because you used to effortlessly write stories and can’t even bear to look at your pen, let the feeling in. If today you hate the rain, then close the windows. Its about time you start being kind to yourself because if you won’t then who will?
Probably we feel unloved and unsatisfied because we keep looking for validation from others. It does not have to be that way all the time.
Maybe it is time to start telling yourself “it is okay” more. It’ll work wonders.