I wish I could stop myself from justifying why I should not feel sad and hurt, most especially when I am truly feeling that way. Having a sound and reasonable mind while having a highly fragile and anxious heart is an everyday torture.
I wish I could stop getting hurt over little things that may or may not be consciously done to cause me pain. I wish I can put to words, without sounding selfish and petty, why my heart is crushed by your seemingly harmless gesture. I wish I do not have to hide these little episodes of crying from you.
I wish I would stop feeling lonely when I do. It is hard enough to be out in a huge crowd and still feel isolated. It’s even harder to hear the silent echo of quietness when I am by myself.
I wish I could stop being a walking contradiction.
I wish I could stop chastising myself for feeling what I feel. I wish I could control my emotions when they get too overwhelming.
I wish I could make me feel okay.
I wish I could learn that some things I should just let go of, I wish the scars on my hand from holding on would remind me to do so.
I wish I could witness more sunrise because I need that warmth.
I wish to bask in hundreds of sunsets and realize there is beauty in the afterglow and the onset of the dark.
I wish I could stop being easily scared.
I wish I could will myself to keep moving forward.
I wish I could keep my resolves.
I wish I could erase some thoughts and memories completely.
I wish I could stop feeling sorry and saying sorry for that matter.
I wish I could stop wishing for things I cannot have, for dreams that are hard to make true. I wish I could stop being a pessimist.
I wish for these things that may or may not come true, and yet I still do.